Buttermilk Biscuits
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There are only a few things that can send even the most seasoned home cook into a wall punching temper tantrum. Number one on the list has to be biscuits. You can do everything right. Preheat the oven, measure ingredients, and still, the friggin things won’t rise. It’s one of the great mysteries of the universe. One that will most likely never be explained. It probably has something to do with interplanetary alignment. Two things are gonna happen next time all the little rocks in our solar system line up. The Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey is going to appear and my damn biscuits will rise.
As mentioned above, even the most veteran cooks can have problems with biscuits, myself included. When one gets lucky, a big fluffy biscuit is one hell of a treat. Paired with jam, jelly, bacon, fried chicken and sausage gravy (my favorite), or just by itself is a great addition to the morning.
If you don’t own a baking stone, you should. It’s perfect for biscuits. If not, a regular cookie sheet will do.
The main thing to remember when making biscuits is to keep everything cold. I premeasure all my wet ingredients and then put them back in the fridge right up until they are ready to go in the bowl.
My recipe calls for butter and lard. There really is no substitute for real butter. If you have to or want to use margarine, fine. Just don’t tell me and your biscuits will suck, so there’s that. As far as the lard, regular leftover rendered lard works fine. If you really wanna step it up, use bacon grease.
Another possible substitution would be greek yogurt for sour cream. Both work well, but I find sour cream yields the best results.
Rule number two when it comes to biscuits is to be gentle. You don’t want to overwork your dough. This could lead to a tough biscuit. While an awesome band name, tough biscuits are not what you want sitting next to your eggs.
I know what you’re thinking. Keep everything cold, which means hurrying. At the same time be gentle with your dough, which means taking your time. What the hell? I know it’s a lot to ask. But, like Grover Cleveland said, “It takes great sacrifice to make great biscuits”. At least I think that was Grover Cleveland…maybe I’m thinking of someone else? Whatever. So endure the sacrifice and while I can’t guarantee a perfect rise with this recipe (that may take a little practice), I think you will enjoy the results.
Ingredients
- 3 tablespoons butter diced into cubes
- 3 tablespoons lard/bacon fat
- 3 tablespoons sour cream
- 3 cups all-purpose flour
- ½ teaspoon baking soda
- 4 teaspoons baking powder
- 1 heaping teaspoon salt
- ½ cup buttermilk
- ½ cup soda water
Instructions
Preheat your oven and baking stone (if using) to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.
Measure butter, lard, and sour cream and put in a bowl in the fridge while you prepare the other ingredients.
Sift flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into a big bowl. Add chilled butter, lard, and sour cream. Quickly and gently work the fats into the flour with your fingers until little pebble looking dough balls begin to form.
Pour in buttermilk and soda water and incorporate gently with a spoon.
Turn dough out on a floured surface and form dough while gently folding it over on itself (about 4 times, gently). Press dough out about 1 ¼ inches thick.
Use a biscuit cutter, pint glass, or anything else about two inches in diameter to cut out the biscuits. Any leftover dough can be formed together with your hands. (They still taste great, just not as pretty.) Put biscuits directly on baking stone (if using) or a greased baking sheet.
Bake for about 15-20 minutes or until golden brown, and God willing, perfectly risen.
